15 Things Edward Cullen Will Never Say!
by lindsayxkate
Summary: The things our beloved Edward would never say, and a collection of OneShots based on each one! Rated T for language!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I know this isn't very original, but I am just SO BORED!

Many may think I am stealing from them, but honestly I thought of all of these with my best friend Maranda (read-a-holic545) and just felt like posting it!

**Anything with a star after it means there is a note at the end**

15 Things Edward Cullen Will Never Say!

1. "Mmm...Jasper..you so sexilicious..."

2. "Emmett, let's rob an old lady!"

3. "I am so pretty!"

4. "I LOVE LOVE LOVE your boots! They're so sassy! I just want to lick them!"

5. "Bella, I'm gay, and I'm leaving you for Jacob."*

6. *singing* "I'm talkin' everybody gettin' crunk!'" **

7. "Welcome to Walmart!"

8. "I'm in love..with Emmett."

9. "Hey, Alice, wanna go shopping?"

10. "Look at me! I'm a sparkly vampire!"

11. "Bella, your blood smells so disgusting!"

12. "Now, the party don't start till I walk in."

13. "How about a pony ride?!"

14. "I'ma Barbie girl, in a Barbie world!"

15. "OMG I totally love that outfit girly girl!"

*I'm actually gonna do a humor OneShot about #5. It's not at all gonna be serious, just out of pure boredom.

**That is from the song 'TiK ToK by Ke$ha. MY FAVORITE SONG EVER and I thought that it fit well. Haha can you imagine Edward Cullen gettin' crunk?


	2. Chapter 2

_**MUST READ! MUST READ! MUST READ! MUST READ!**_

_...I'm just letting you know that the collection of one shots is now going to be put into my other story (Truth or Dare: Vamp Style!)_

_The next 15 chapters are going to have all the dares based on each number of the things Edward would never say, in order, but the dares won't necessarily all be done by Edward. Sometimes there will be more than one dare in each chapter._

_Sorry if I made anyone wait!_

_Here is the 2__nd__ chapter of TOD:VS! But after this, I will be posting every chapter to the other story. Thanks for reading!_

Truth or Dare: Vamp Style

Chapters 1 & 2

Chapter 1

BPOV

I was lying on my side on mine and Edward's bed in our cottage when Alice came bounding in shouting, "BELLA! EDWARD! HURRY UP! WE'RE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE!"

I groaned, contemplating what's to come.

"Alice!" I said, "Go away!"

"No." She said.

Edward and I both growled at her but got up reluctantly.

"It's alright love, this might be fun." Edward said.

I stared at him in disbelief. "I thought you were on my side!" I shrieked.

"I am," He then proceeded to sit on my hip.

"I didn't mean that literally!" I all but yelled.

"I'm sorry," He pouted and kissed me quickly.

Ugh. He knows he dazzles me and works it to his advantage.

"Fine." I said.

"Yay!" Alice squealed.

We all ran back to the Cullen house at vampire speed, all the while I was contemplating what is to come as punishment for agreeing to play the horrid game.

Emmett could ask me about my sex life.

I guess that's as bad as it gets.

Except for getting embarrassed.

Oh.

Shit.

EPOV

Bella had let down her shield so I could hear her thoughts.

Edward...I can't believe I'm doing this. Emmett is going to find anyway possible to embarrass me!

"I know, love. But just go with it. It's fun!" I whispered so only she could hear.

She growled lightly.

*

When we got back to the house, Emmett yelled, "They're here!!!!" at the top of his lungs. Even though he knew very well that we could hear him perfectly clearly if he spoke in his normal tone.

We all sat in a circle: Bella to my left, Emmett to my right.

"Who goes first?" Bella asked.

Everyone turned to look at Emmett.

"ME?!" Emmett said.

"Yes Emmett." We all said in unison.

"Ok...Bella. Truth or dare?" Emmett.

She let her sheild down again so I could hear her.

Which one should I choose, Edward? She thought.

"I don't know, but I think dare is your best bet. Although the truth could greatly inform me..."

"Dare!" she squeaked quickly. I chuckled.

"Ok, Bella. I'll go easy on you since this is your first time as a vampire. So...I dare you...to not talk to Edward for the rest of the game." He said.

I growled.

And so did Bella.

BPOV

I growled slightly.

Emmett is the most evil big brother on the face of the planet.

Oh well, I'll get back at him...

Through Rosalie.

I reluctantly moved away from Edward to sit next to Alice, who was on Emmett's right.

This is going to be a long game.

Chapter 2

JasPOV

"OK...Edward, truth or dare?" Bella asked. We all looked at her, shocked. She must have something dirty on her mind.

"Dare," Edward said hesitantly.

"I dare you...to kiss Jasper." She said with an evil smirk.

I groaned. Why did I have to suffer with Edward? Bella must hate me or something.

"She doesn't hate you Jas. She's just a pervert," Edward said. "Sometimes." He added when Bella gave him a death glare.

I chuckeled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

I thought I heard Edward whisper _'You haven't seen it in Alice's head'_ but I couldn't be sure.

We were sitting next to each other so it wasn't hard to get close, but it was still quite uncomfortable. I mean who wants to _kiss their brother?!_ Not me.

Edward moved his face close to mine and hesitantly pressed his lips to mine. It actually wasn't that bad.

Apparently Edward was thinking the same thing because he started to move his lips against mine. I copied the movement.

Soon we were in a full blown make out session when Bella and Alice cleared their throats at the same time.

We pulled away and Edward said, "Mmm...Jasper..you so sexilicious..."

He froze, as if he just realized what he said. I gasped and Emmett burst out laughing.

Bella looked angry. Alice looked angry. Rosalie just looked amused.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen...did you just say that Jasper is..._sexilicious_?!" Alice and Bella yelled at the exact same time. They must have an internal timer that tells them when to say things at the same time or something.

I quickly and quietly moved away from Edward to sit next to Alice. He was still frozen in the same position from when we pulled away from each other. I think he was in shock.

Eventually he whispered "Oh, my God." And ran from the room. Bella followed.

"That was...interesting..." I said.

"The hell it was!" Emmett boomed.

EPOV

I just said Jasper was sexilicious!? I must be going insane.

Bella was following me and I stopped running when I was a good ways into the forest.

She stopped in front of me and said, "I didn't know you were...on that side of the fence." She laughed. "I didn't know you rolled that way!"

"I don't! Pish..I just got caught up in the moment. I was kind of..sexy when you really think about." I said.

"It was very sexy," Bella whispered and moved toward me. She pressed her lips to mine.

When we pulled away, she said, "Let's head back, ok?"

"Sure..." I was bound to be teased by Emmett for eternity.

*****

When we got back to the house, Emmett said "OK, Bella, your dare is off. I'm sure Edward needs as much physical action from a women he could get at this point!"

"Shut up, Emmett." I said sharply.

"Hey, Edward, tell your pants its rude to point!" He replied.

Bella started laughing. I looked at her.

"This is _your_ fault." I said too her.

"Are you...sure..it's not...Jasper's?" she said between giggles.

I growled. I've been doing that a lot tonight.

I sat down and pulled Bella into my lap. She was still giggling.

"Alright...Emmett. Truth or dare?" I said with an evil smirk.


End file.
